I’m a bit shocked at some of the videos from camming. I mean, there is a lot of time to kill when you are just waiting for someone to chat you up. And you know the whole time there’s like this parade of dudes just checking you out. So…I mean what could be more awkward? Add to that the fact that you can never know for sure who you are talking to. Hopefully, it’s a stranger, but maybe it’s your professor, your former boss, your dad! You really don’t and can’t know.
Most cam sites offer geo blocking but there are plenty of workarounds getting past that. Now you know that if someone local is checking you out, or worse, interacting with you as someone else, they had to jump through an extra hoop to do it. Dammit. Or, maybe nobody even cares enough to make the effort. Could go either way and anywhere in between. It’s good to reflect on this humbling idea, but never dwell. Never dwell on any of this or make it personal.
What shocks me when I review my cam videos, is how at ease I seem to be. Super flirty…I probably just get super flirty when I’m nervous. OMG…DO I do that all the time?? See, right now I could go make a list of all the times I felt nervous in a situation where flirtation would be completely inappropriate, and then realize how many times I should have felt embarrassed, but didn’t.
I could feel the embarrassment of each of those moments now. But why create that? It’s a thought, it’s not a memory. Never make a memory out of a passing negative thought. An imagined possibility can teach us something without having to do time living through it. We miss the gift of the imagined possibility when we make it a reality by our persistence of thought or rumination.
I’ll be aware now, and be sure to observe myself next time I am in a situation where I am nervous, and check to see if I’m flirting or coming off like I am. I’ll note what specifically I’m doing, or not doing, and then I’ll have a better understanding of myself.
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